Every once in awhile I find myself in a “rut”. I only put the term into quotes because I feel like I’m in a rut. I find myself doing day to tasks—going to work, going to church, working on hobbies, doing small groups, community groups, ministries—and I feel no excitement or progression to what I’m doing. Time and time, over and over I ask myself, “For what reason am I doing any of these things?” I also find myself falling back into old habits and vices that I thought I quit long ago. Am I really falling back to my old ways?
I guess this is where I’m supposed to be in this season1 of my life. Though, giving this an identity of such in this “season” I may be is a cop-out sort of answer. I shouldn’t just endure or persevere through it. I should really take this opportunity to examine and learn from it. So how would one go through this?
I’m writing off the top of my head, but the first thing I know I need to do is remember. This is different from reminiscing the “better times”, but instead I need to remember why I considered the last season a better time in life. For one, God’s presence was ever so evident in my life. Just a year ago it felt like there was a nimbus at my feet and God took me wherever and whenever He wanted me to. As long as I was obedient to His every word, His Will was being done in my life!
Compare it to right now where it seems like nothing is happening. I don’t want to compare it to really being in the valley or in the desert. He has no abandoned me. I know He is there. I know He is doing a good work. But I just don’t feel like anything is happening. And that’s okay. I should mature enough in my faith to remember that I am no longer driven by my feelings. Instead I look to what God has done and what He has promised and He is doing a good work no matter how I feel about my current predicament in life. That said, life is good. I have a job. I have a home. I have friends. I have a church community. I am also in a wonderful romantic relationship with a woman I deeply love.2
And even though I may not have the same feeling where my every being was resonating with the Holy Spirit, that very same Spirit that rocked my every moment in 2013 is still in me to this very day. I did say I want the Spirit to grow in me as stated in Galatians 5:16-26, and this is the time I am called to set a ground to focus more on patience, peace, and self control so that love, joy, faithfulness, goodness, and gentleness may continue to grow as a whole.
I do know one thing. Whether I feel it or not, God is doing a good work for His Will. I ought to be pursing Him and never give up seeking His face. He is everywhere all the time. I can find Him in the mundane and in this rut I find myself in. One thing for sure is that this isn’t the last time I’ll be in a season like this. It will happen time and time again wherever I am in life—rich or poor, single or married, with or without children, in sickness or in health—I better learn how to be content and learn from this time now before it’s too late.
- A very Christian-ese term whenever we find ourself living out a particular duration of life that’s full of blessing or trials. Though, you definitely hear the term more when people are describing a possible “trial” they are called into [↩]
- I know, I know… I need to get around to posting that story [↩]