This is pretty difficult write without going into a mountain’s worth of detail. And this post most likely won’t make any sense since I’m only writing because I felt compelled to. Yup, I’m rambling here.
There’s a story currently unfolding in my life, and I can’t tell it because I haven’t experienced the end yet. When I get there, then I’ll be able to share the beauty, love, and joy that God shared with me. But as of right now, I feel I’m in a lull in the story—or maybe I’m stuck between acts 2 and 3. I’m not really sure. And trying to explain this feeling without actually telling the story (trust me, I just deleted a number of paragraphs before typing this sentence), just leads to more nonsensical rambling. So I’m going to just share this (emphasis mine):
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you now that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.1
I must’ve read these verses over a hundred times over the years. Usually when I feel a bit lost, find myself in the valley, or just wondering “why”, I’ll turn to James (as well as Job). But this time around, the last part really stuck out to me. Why do I need to persevere now?
Back in October, I asked God to shape and mold me to be the man He wants me to be. I lost my life to Christ so He could save it. In the last few months of reading, prayer, and growing closer to God, He showed me something so beautiful, so wonderful, so loving, so unbelievable and it made me realize how much I’ve grown to be the man He wants me to be. Though, I am incomplete. I feel He placed me exactly where I am to go through these trials and persevere so I can be complete.
Does that mean God is done shaping me? No, far from it. But it feels like I hit particular phase or level in my spiritual journey with God that it’s about to be completed if I’m able to hold on and persevere just a little longer. I think my story will be finished then. And only then I’ll be able to make sense of this poorly written post… really!
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior
- James 1:4:5 [↩]