Daily Archives: June 29, 2010

In Worship

Recollections, Reflections,

I was pretty busy this past weekend—busier than usual anyway.  I really don’t get out much.  Anyway, an old high school friend of mine came out to visit for the weekend.  The plan was to go out with a few other people in the area that are from my guild.  (Yes, by “guild”, I do mean of World of Warcraft variant.)  Whoa, that means I need to be social in the real world?  Like I said, I don’t get out much.

With the exception of one of my housemates, the people I was with are not Christian.  Actually, I really don’t know exactly where their hearts are with their Creator, but my observation tells me they aren’t Christian.  Besides, I’m not the one to judge.  The point is, I prayed that I would be on my best behavior and that my actions and words would be more Christ-like.  This is something I definitely need to work on.  It’s really easy to get back into old habits especially when an old high school friend is with you.

Now, when I say I am on good behavior, it doesn’t mean I’m going to be preaching the gospel to my non-believing friends at every chance I get.  If that were to happen, the only friends I would end up with are the ones that already have a clue about the gospel.  I want my behavior and attitude to be Christ-like.  If the Holy Spirit is in me, it should be obvious that I’m a Christian without saying anything, right?  (See Matthew 5:14 ff)

That said, this post isn’t about how we got together for dinner on Saturday night which followed a bit of singing at a Korean karaoke bar  in LA—I should probably stop with any further details right there.  I know everyone had a great time that Saturday night.  It was fun to get out and do something different.

The next morning, I took my friend to the airport. On the way back, I felt a large burden in my heart.  I don’t know what that was all about.  I felt like I needed to pray for my friends the night before.  The prayer felt authentic.  It’s like I knew each person well enough to get a hint of an idea of each of their burdens in their lives.  We are all adults—mid to late 20′s—going through real life issues—whether it was over a job, a broken or mending relationship, soul or purpose searching.  That burden amongst all of us was real.  I carried that feeling on Sunday.  I felt sick for most of the day.  I lost my appetite.  I didn’t want to do anything.  I wanted to stay in solitude hoping to hear God’s voice.

I went to church later that evening.  CCV was having a special worship service.  The entire service was nothing but musical worship.  The church is blessed with some of most talented musicians in the area.  The church felt it was time to take a step back and breath—to thank, praise, and listen.  I wasn’t quite sure if my voice was up to the task considering I just spent the night at a karaoke bar, but I was there ready to give it my all.  Again, I carried this feeling of burden weighting me down.  I don’t know if it was just mine, but it felt like from the knowledge I knew from my friends, I carried some of that pain.

When we—the congregation, God’s church, in His house—began to sing.  I was immediately filled with the Holy Spirit (Matthew 8:20) and began crying out to God.  And this wasn’t a battle cry or anything like that.  My tear ducts began to overflow and I couldn’t control this emotion.  At that point, I knew I heard his voice.  I remembered what He had sounded like.  That voice I heard over 10 years ago and was only lost through the distractions and decisions I selfishly made.  He told me everything was going to be okay and that I should not need to worry (Matthew 6:25 ff).

I asked God what should I do next.  He answered in the most amazing way.  Being in authentic worship is awesome.  It’s a stunning reminder that He is always moving in you and He will keep His promises to work through you.  Thank You.

I was relieved.

In love with falling in love

Random Musings, ,

I have this problem.  It might have occurred when I was younger.  Maybe I didn’t get enough hugs or something when I was a kid.  Growing up, I always had this yearning to “be with somebody”—to be loved (using the term loosely).  I just had to have a girlfriend of some sort going through school.  Of course, me being as dorky as I am, I wasn’t very popular with the ladies.  Not surprisingly, I wasn’t on any girl’s radar.  I did my best to be noticed, but my personality never allowed me to stand out.  I was shy and a daydreamer.  I planned my approach and hoped for the opportune time to execute said strategy.  Rarely did I ever go with my master plan.  Even when I did, it never panned out after its approach.  But still, I insisted to keep daydreaming about how everything ought to happen.

The problem with the whole daydreaming thing is that you have to make assumptions on how the other person would react to what you are doing.  This would generally work if you knew who the person well enough to predetermine her reaction, but I never knew who she was.  I daydreamed how she would react openly and accepting of my approach.  I’m essentially putting words I want to hear in her mouth.  Eventually one thing leads to another, and I win the girl, right?  No, not really.  But I kept reiterating this daydreaming process for the girl in elementary school, junior high, the girls in high school, local college, the one girl I followed to a university, the one I went to church with, and finally the girl that shares the same hobby.

When I reiterate this process for the new girl, I don’t really ever get to know her.  I’m essentially taking the girl—her features and mannerisms that attracts me—but wrapping the personality and character I expect and want of her.  That eventually leads to this infatuation where I become heartbroken when she doesn’t match to what I dreamed.  Pathetic, right?  I mean, this kind of emotional distress should be kept on the elementary playground.  Seriously, dude, grow up.

With that bit of background out of the way, I wanted to write about the approach on the newest girl that caught my attention.  Of course, like all girls of interest, she’s pretty (obviously).  She’s a gamer.  The fact that she’s really pretty and a gamer is what really caught my attention.  When I saw pictures with her and her (then) boyfriend, I had to step back and ask myself, “People looking this good really shouldn’t be playing World of Warcraft—they’re usually going out and doing cool things with other good looking people.”  Yeah… like that.  I’m keeping further details about her sparse for obvious reasons.

Despite the fact I am attractive to her and that we share a similar hobby, I honestly don’t think it would be wise of me to pressure on with a pursuit.  Maybe I finally grew up and recognize the mistakes of the past.  Maybe I’m supposed to discern a higher purpose that is in alignment with God’s will.  I honestly don’t know.  I do, believe, I received affirmation about what my approach ought to be after spending some time at the driving range with a friend of mine.

I haven’t seen Mark in awhile.  We occasionally run into each other at the same church service, but for the most part I wouldn’t see him because he’s busy with work.  One Sunday morning , we went out to the Glen Oaks golf course in Glendora.  I haven’t picked up a club since my golf class more than 5 years ago.  I brought Mark up to speed with the whole I-think-I’m-done-with-life-in-SoCal-and-I-want-to-move-back-to-Hawaii story.  He also felt that my next move is probably going to be away from California.  Even he thought Hawaii sounded like an advancing move.  By thew way, since Mark was a former World of Warcraft addict, I gave him our guild’s progression status and whatnot.  At that point I had to tell him about her.

I told Mark pretty much every personality trait that attracted me so much to her.  And in the end, he came out to remind me, “As great and fun as she may be, do you really see her as being your helper for God’s will in your life?”  (See Gen 2:20b ff)  No, I cannot.  Mark didn’t need to go into further detail because at that moment I remembered what Paul wrote in his second letter to the people of Corinth:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.  For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?  Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?  What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?  What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?  For we are the temple of the living God.  As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” (2 Corinthians 6:14-16, NIV)

Paul finishes by writing,

“Therefore come out from them and be separate, [...] touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.  I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinithians, 6:17-18, NIV)

I associate that piece of scripture with marriage.  It’s pretty tough for me to associate it with all relationships just because I believe we’re called to make believers of all nations, and my method to sharing the gospel is by creating authentic relationships so that my friends (hopefully) will see the glory of God through me.  Anyway, if someone could give some insight what Paul meant by “yoked together” that would be awesome.  (Who knows, I might be completely off the mark on this one.)

With that in mind, that’s the reason I see her differently.  I’m not sure exactly what it is.

I need to remind myself so that I won’t repeat these bad daydreaming habits.   In the event I do fall into the same cycle, I must not forget that she can never be mine.  She belongs to God.