Don’t let your failures define you. Let them refine you.

– Callie Khouri

Backed into a Rut

Every once in awhile I find myself in a “rut”. I only put the term into quotes because I feel like I’m in a rut. I find myself doing day to tasks—going to work, going to church, working on hobbies, doing small groups, community groups, ministries—and I feel no excitement or progression to what I’m doing. Time and time, over and over I ask myself, “For what reason am I doing any of these things?” I also find myself falling back into old habits and vices that I thought I quit long ago. Am I really falling back to my old ways?

I guess this is where I’m supposed to be in this season1 of my life. Though, giving this an identity of such in this “season” I may be is a cop-out sort of answer. I shouldn’t just endure or persevere through it. I should really take this opportunity to examine and learn from it. So how would one go through this?

I’m writing off the top of my head, but the first thing I know I need to do is remember. This is different from reminiscing the “better times”, but instead I need to remember why I considered the last season a better time in life. For one, God’s presence was ever so evident in my life. Just a year ago it felt like there was a nimbus at my feet and God took me wherever and whenever He wanted me to. As long as I was obedient to His every word, His Will was being done in my life!

Compare it to right now where it seems like nothing is happening. I don’t want to compare it to really being in the valley or in the desert. He has no abandoned me. I know He is there. I know He is doing a good work. But I just don’t feel like anything is happening. And that’s okay. I should mature enough in my faith to remember that I am no longer driven by my feelings. Instead I look to what God has done and what He has promised and He is doing a good work no matter how I feel about my current predicament in life. That said, life is good. I have a job. I have a home. I have friends. I have a church community. I am also in a wonderful romantic relationship with a woman I deeply love.2

And even though I may not have the same feeling where my every being was resonating with the Holy Spirit, that very same Spirit that rocked my every moment in 2013 is still in me to this very day. I did say I want the Spirit to grow in me as stated in Galatians 5:16-26, and this is the time I am called to set a ground to focus more on patience, peace, and self control so that love, joy, faithfulness, goodness, and gentleness may continue to grow as a whole.

I do know one thing. Whether I feel it or not, God is doing a good work for His Will. I ought to be pursing Him and never give up seeking His face. He is everywhere all the time. I can find Him in the mundane and in this rut I find myself in. One thing for sure is that this isn’t the last time I’ll be in a season like this. It will happen time and time again wherever I am in life—rich or poor, single or married, with or without children, in sickness or in health—I better learn how to be content and learn from this time now before it’s too late.

  1. A very Christian-ese term whenever we find ourself living out a particular duration of life that’s full of blessing or trials. Though, you definitely hear the term more when people are describing a possible “trial” they are called into []
  2. I know, I know… I need to get around to posting that story []

Trust with Obedience

A new year is upon us, and it’s time for me to review what happened in 2013. Before I review 2013’s tangible goals, I wanted touch up on a few themes that I discovered for this year. At the end of 2012, I felt this pending sensation that something was going to happen in 2013. I know, I know, every year I say, “This year is going to be it!” But to see where I was in 2011 and 2012, things had to go up from there, right? Yes, it did in many amazing ways! But throughout the entire year, even though both halves were split with its own sub theme, I feel what God has been teaching (and continue to do so) is trust with obedience. I felt there was something deep down in my heart—a desire planted so long ago by the Creator Himself—to do amazing things. And even when I wanted to push those amazing things aside, what I felt that was so hidden but so wanted to be revealed was this desire to do what my Father does. To finally use my own free will that He granted to do me to give it up and to follow Him.

I may have jokingly first wrote about the tangible goal list for 2013, but I soon realized how awesome it could be to accomplish then quickly recognize despite of these things of this list are good, I want to make sure I do them to honor my Creator and do life according to His will. I want to do the same thing with the list for 2014. I do not to complete all of them, instead I hope each one I can accomplish according to His ways. And if He tells me that this is something that He does not want for me, that I may immediately obey and trust that His way is always better than mine.

With that aside, let’s dive into 2013’s tangible goals!

  1. Write a tangible goal list. Always start the year with a win!
  2. Launch twinwork.net. Even though it’s up, sadly I already want to redo it for one final time. It is complete for 2013, but it more or less made it back on the list for 2014.
  3. Create a photography/portfolio blog. Totally failed. The whole idea was to use the Twinwork platform I built for twinwork.net and create a portfolio blogging website for all of my photography. You know what’s even a bigger failure for me? I barely did any photography for the year.
  4. Learn 2 lead rifts in 3 keys on the guitar. I said a made an addendum during the first quarter update. I didn’t exactly learn to play lead, but I did increase my confidence in leading worship and just jamming with friends. Specifics aside, I think if my goal was to progress in music, I did just that, so I’m going to call this a win.
  5. Serve in at least one ministry at Newsong. More or less completed withing the first quarter of 2013 and it continued with the Muffin Ministry through the 2nd and 3rd quarters.
  6. Find and learn from at least one mentor. I couldn’t find one.  Pushed this goal to 2014.
  7. Find one person to mentor. I sort of found someone to mentor, but not really. Just like finding a mentor, this goal is also pushed to 2014.
  8. Post a story to singlethread.org once a month. Done! Though, there was one month that could be debatable. I did over 12 posts this year, so I’m calling it a win! I’m still planning on posting at least a story a month through 2014.
  9. Fly to Hawaii to see Joel (and Iron Man 3) to celebrate our 20th friendiversary. Totally happened! I even played on his worship team when I went out. We had so much fun!
  10. …And fly Joel out here to see Hillsong. This was also equally amazing. We ended up driving up north to visit a few friends… something very similar to what we did back in 2007. All too awesome!
  11. Build that new computer! Failed. I added this to 2014 for the sake of having it there, but it’s not a high priority. If God really wants me have this, He’ll deliver a way for it to happen 😉
  12. Buy that D800 & 105mm macro lens. Failed. I just didn’t shoot in 2013 and I honestly don’t believe I’ll be shooting much in 2014. I might pick up the 105mm macro lens if I somehow achieve all my financial goals for 2014, but this is no longer a priority. Chances are by the time I get back into photography, the D900 will be out. I can wait four years or so.
  13. Be her Adam for your Eve. I still have yet to write this story, but God definitely delivered on this goal when I least deserved it. This happened in the second half of the year and how He wrote this story for us was completely mind blowing. We’re still together, yet apart (she’s teaching in Spain during the 2013-2014 school year). Though, I can’t say she will be my life long partner, but she is definitely somebody special that I want to explore that question with.

So I was 8 for 13 for the year. God definitely did good. I trust in Him that He will top all of this in 2014. I already sense it’s going to be a different year, but I definitely want to see what He will do to stretch and grow me. I pray that I will always run to Him no matter what trials I find myself in.

Live an amazing life to always glorify God’s mighty name! Have a great 2014!

P.S. Just like last year, I’m kicking off 2014 alone, and I’m okay with that. I’m sure this will be a rare occurrence in the future.