Single Thread

I may have mentioned it in the past, I don’t go out much and I’m not very active.  I keep telling myself I should really work out—running, weightlifting, mountain biking—something, anything.  This morning, I went hiking for the first time in 10 years.  I believe the last time I went hiking was the Haleakala Crater back on Maui.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy hike.  Garcia Trail in Azusa is a short 1.2 mile hike.  The problem with these 1.2 miles is that it ascends 1100 feet in the process.  That steep elevation is what makes the hike challenging—especially if you’re from the out of shape crowd.  When I started the hike, I knew I was in bad shape when I already felt my heart racing in the first 100 ft (distance, not elevation).  At that point, I knew this was going to be a long morning.

I quickly breathed in the cool morning air.  It was pleasant at first, but the speed of inhaling created a burning sensation in my lungs.  My body didn’t know where the need for all this sudden energy came from.  My heart beat as fast as possible to pump fresh blood to my legs at the start of this hike.   I looked towards the top of the hill and pointed, “I’m going to make it to the top.”  I looked up to the sky and asked God to give me the strength to do this.  I know, it’s just a 1.2mi/1100ft hike/climb.  One could say I only needed the will power to do it.  My heart alone wasn’t conditioned to take on this task by itself.  No, instead, I prayed and asked him for the strength I need to conquer the hike to the top.  That was the plan.  Get to the top.  He reminded me that He will determine my steps (Proverbs 16:9).  He will be with me every step of the way.

Hikers of all ages and experiences passed me on the way up.  I was a bit discouraged at first.  Maybe it wasn’t worth seeing the top.  Maybe I should take it one small hike at a time—complete the plan in increments over the course of a week.  No.  I remained focused.  God kept taking me up one step at a time.  It took me close to an hour to climb the 1100 feet in 1.2 miles.  I didn’t care.  I got to the top.  I made it.

At the top of the hill was a white cross.  Behind the cross was a mailbox with a couple of notebooks and a Bible.  The notebooks was a log of people who made the climb.  There were prayer requests.  Some wrote stories about their hike to the top.  Some of them profess their love for one another.  Not all were Christian, but there were many that witness as one.   Even though the overcast hasn’t quite burned off for the day, it was still a sight to see overlooking the San Gabriel Valley from atop that hill.  I honestly believe that I, personally, could not have made that hike on my own.  God helped me step by step with such a simple plan; I should expect that kind of help in my grander plans in life.  God’s power is limitless.  That first hike is a reminder: He’s there with me every step of the way.

I was pretty busy this past weekend—busier than usual anyway.  I really don’t get out much.  Anyway, an old high school friend of mine came out to visit for the weekend.  The plan was to go out with a few other people in the area that are from my guild.  (Yes, by “guild”, I do mean of World of Warcraft variant.)  Whoa, that means I need to be social in the real world?  Like I said, I don’t get out much.

With the exception of one of my housemates, the people I was with are not Christian.  Actually, I really don’t know exactly where their hearts are with their Creator, but my observation tells me they aren’t Christian.  Besides, I’m not the one to judge.  The point is, I prayed that I would be on my best behavior and that my actions and words would be more Christ-like.  This is something I definitely need to work on.  It’s really easy to get back into old habits especially when an old high school friend is with you.

Now, when I say I am on good behavior, it doesn’t mean I’m going to be preaching the gospel to my non-believing friends at every chance I get.  If that were to happen, the only friends I would end up with are the ones that already have a clue about the gospel.  I want my behavior and attitude to be Christ-like.  If the Holy Spirit is in me, it should be obvious that I’m a Christian without saying anything, right?  (See Matthew 5:14 ff)

That said, this post isn’t about how we got together for dinner on Saturday night which followed a bit of singing at a Korean karaoke bar  in LA—I should probably stop with any further details right there.  I know everyone had a great time that Saturday night.  It was fun to get out and do something different.

The next morning, I took my friend to the airport. On the way back, I felt a large burden in my heart.  I don’t know what that was all about.  I felt like I needed to pray for my friends the night before.  The prayer felt authentic.  It’s like I knew each person well enough to get a hint of an idea of each of their burdens in their lives.  We are all adults—mid to late 20′s—going through real life issues—whether it was over a job, a broken or mending relationship, soul or purpose searching.  That burden amongst all of us was real.  I carried that feeling on Sunday.  I felt sick for most of the day.  I lost my appetite.  I didn’t want to do anything.  I wanted to stay in solitude hoping to hear God’s voice.

I went to church later that evening.  CCV was having a special worship service.  The entire service was nothing but musical worship.  The church is blessed with some of most talented musicians in the area.  The church felt it was time to take a step back and breath—to thank, praise, and listen.  I wasn’t quite sure if my voice was up to the task considering I just spent the night at a karaoke bar, but I was there ready to give it my all.  Again, I carried this feeling of burden weighting me down.  I don’t know if it was just mine, but it felt like from the knowledge I knew from my friends, I carried some of that pain.

When we—the congregation, God’s church, in His house—began to sing.  I was immediately filled with the Holy Spirit (Matthew 8:20) and began crying out to God.  And this wasn’t a battle cry or anything like that.  My tear ducts began to overflow and I couldn’t control this emotion.  At that point, I knew I heard his voice.  I remembered what He had sounded like.  That voice I heard over 10 years ago and was only lost through the distractions and decisions I selfishly made.  He told me everything was going to be okay and that I should not need to worry (Matthew 6:25 ff).

I asked God what should I do next.  He answered in the most amazing way.  Being in authentic worship is awesome.  It’s a stunning reminder that He is always moving in you and He will keep His promises to work through you.  Thank You.

I was relieved.

This scribe was written on Tuesday, April 16, 2005.  It was originally privately published on j2 under the chapter for the  Covina Chronicles.  I was still attending Azusa Pacific University at the time.  The style of writing is informal and very journal-like… that’s because it was originally part of a journal.

There are less than two weeks left of class then I’ll be on my way to graduating!  There’s nothing that can stop me now—except for a couple of tough papers, but I’ve gotten through that before. Remember last semester?  I almost had twice the work load last semester, and I finished just fine. So this semester should be a breeze, right? No, of course not!

Last week, I’ve been having sinus problems. Less than 48 hours ago, I came down with a cold. It is the same cold (flu?) that I came down with two months ago. That was horrible. I was incapable of doing anything for two weeks. And now I have it again. This time I’m a bit more aggressive against the cold. I have tea, chicken noodle soup, and drugs—lots of drugs!  But I’m already behind in getting papers done. I needed to get two assignments done for tonight, but now it doesn’t even look like I’ll be getting one.

I started complaining and whining to God again how He “failed” to look over my health. Yes, arrogant and childish thinking. It feels like I’ve done something wrong to deserve this. Sure, my diet hasn’t been the healthiest, but it has been consistent. And if my diet is consistent (albeit consistently bad), I don’t know where my cold originated. No one else is sick in the house.

That said, it’s pretty easy to understand why I’m complaining about this cold. It is putting additional strain on my academics. I feel like giving up right now. But I am slowing learning a few things by going through this sickness. I can only do things through God. I think I first realized this during my golf class. I didn’t want to go, but at the same time I wanted to get out of the house. It was a nice and cool spring day. There were a few clouds in sky, but the sun did its best to shine through.

As usual, we were out on the driving range. I had a six iron. I switched out to a 3, but I didn’t do well after my first hit. I whacked the ball a good 150 yards with the three iron, but the club felt too different. I was exhausted due to the cold. I took a break before going at it again with a a six iron. My body hurt. The cold was sucking the energy out of my body.  I didn’t want to swing anymore. It came down to the last three golf balls of the class. The first two swings were okay. It didn’t go nearly as straight as I normally hit it nor as far.

Then I pulled the last golf ball into position. I was weak. This last swing was going to be horrible. I took a practice swing. I could already feel my back giving way. Then I looked at the golf ball and spoke to God.

“You know what? This last swing is for you. Look at me. I am weak, yet I am the perfect being you created me to be. My flaws and imperfections are considered perfect in Your eye. Here I am: sick and weak. Yet, I am going to swing with all of my heart and all of my strength to show you what this ‘perfect’ being you created can do.”

It was more like a sarcastic taunt than anything else. I figure that ball was going to go no more than fifty yards. I normally get around a hundred yards with a six iron. My best swing for the day with that 6-iron was about 120 yards.

I pulled the club back and took a three quarters swing at the ball. Once I made contact and followed through, I realized no other swing prior to that has ever felt so good. The swing was perfect. That ball flew higher and farther than it ever did. on target nonetheless.  It landed past 160 yard mark. I was dumbfounded.

From the moment on, I understood what it meant to do your best and when you do all things for the glory of God. God will work in you to do amazing things. He did this with this flawed and ill body of mine. It was a demonstration of what He can do in my life if I just let Him.

So why is this amazing? It could have been a lucky swing, right? It could have been a small chance it was luck but unlikely. If you’ve ever played golf, you would know that a golf swing uses a set of muscles you don’t normally use on a daily basis. These set of muscles placed all over the body (arms, legs, torso, back, hands, etc) need to work in sync with each other in order to produce a good swing. The only way you can get a perfect swing is by constantly practicing and teaching your muscles to remember what to do as you take the swing. Also, each swing takes a different set of muscles whether it is one quarter, half, three quarters, or a full swing.  I’ve only been at the driving range for a semester because of this class.  There’s no way I produced proper muscle memory for a golf swing in that amount of time.

There’s a lot of crap going on when you take a swing. I was fatigued because of the cold. Yet, God took my body and used it perfectly to hit the tiny little good for nothing golf ball. Unfortunately, no one else saw that perfect golf swing. Our coach didn’t see it. None of the students who were around me paid any attention to my swing. None of the other golfers in the area noticed. It’s okay. That swing was for God, and He did it through me. I saw His awe in that ball as it flew over 160 yards. I’m beginning to slowly understand the awesome power that God has at His disposal ready to be used through me.  Imagine that.  It was a golf swing.  What else could he do through me?

So yes, it does suck that I’m sick. But I think I could get by.